Saturday, September 12, 2009

Back-To-School Humor

  
A seasoned teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything they say happens at home!
~~~~~~~~~~
A child comes home from his first day at school. His Mother asks, "Well, what did you learn today?"
The kid replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."

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My kids have everything they need to go back to school—except the right attitude.
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The best part of going back to school is seeing all your friends. The worst part is that your teachers won’t let you talk to them.
~~~~~~~~~~

Summer vacation was over and Little Johnny returned back to school.
Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
"Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved!"
~~~~~~~~~~
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
'Wake up, son. It's time to go to school'
'But why, Mom? I don't want to go.'

'Give me two reasons why you don't want to go.'
'Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!'

'Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.'


'Give me two reasons why I should go to school.'
'Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the principal!'
~~~~~~~~~~
Strange as it seems, no amount of learning can cure stupidity, and higher education positively fortifies it. Stephen Vizinczey

  

24 comments:

Diane said...

Those are funny..and I can add one more my own son had said to a teacher (who, btw, is now teaching my g-daughter 25 yrs later!):

Teacher instructed students to write "incomplete" sentences.

My son asked: "Do you want us to write INCOMPLETE sentences?...or do you want us to write IN COMPLETE sentences?" lol

That teacher always remembered how smart he was and reminded us of how it made him laugh :D.

Diane said...

My 5 yr old kindergartener g-daughter just last year came home with a note all the kids had to write and bring home. The kids were misbehaving and had to tell their parents they had gotten punished. Her note:

"The class was misbehaving and got punished but I was not one of them."

Now there's a girl who stands up for herself knowing she was not part of the "bad" crowd..:D.

Diane said...

It figures..when Scats puts up a nice story about kids/teachers, I'm the only one who contributed to his blog...

what? nobody has anything "nice" to share in their lives??

Anonymous said...

I would have contributed but you are agian taking over this blog. Lot of posts the past few days, nothing going on on the 3rd ward?

Diane said...

If my name was Anonymous you wouldn't be able to tell the difference, eh? ;)...it would look like 3 different posts.

Face it...you have nothing worthy to contribute in the humor dept....:D.

Maybe we should come on as

AnonyMiss..

AnonyMs..

AnonyMrs.. or

AnonyMister

:D....just to change it up a bit.

SCATS said...

Diane ~~ Are you trying to takeover this BLOG?? 4 out of 5 comments are yours, that's 80% !

It's not nice to say more than the BLOGmeister :(

Anonymous said...

Amen SCATS! annoy-me-most with all the posts.

Diane said...

so where is THAT rule posted??

I'd say "Anonymous" has more than 80% of the posts on all of your blogs...:D

...oh THAT'S right...you can't differentiate one from the other..maybe we should call them

AnonyMice (those too meek and need to all hide behind the same name ;D).

And that one AnonyMouse who says "I would have contributed but you are agian taking over this blog." >>>>

hmmmmm-that never seemed to stop them from posting on OTHER blogs with numerous comments....and all from ANONYMOUS, besides! :)

SCATS said...

To Diane ~~ This is the first time this situation has come up. Just like your pal on another BLOG, I run things as I see fit. Count your blessings, at least your comments got posted.

SCATS said...

BLOG Administration removed a "snerty" comment about how this BLOG is managed. Please cease & desist Diane.

Anonymous said...

Nice deletion! Don't feed the troll SCATS! It is so sad you have to deal with it. I know 2 other places that deleted the user and one more that has no recent activity so I guess you get it by default.

Diane said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
SCATS said...

BLOG Administration deleted the comment left by "Diane" at 1:31PM. Some people can't take a hint.

SCATS said...

BLOG Administration deleted yet another comment from our "friend>"

Have it your way Diane. A simple request for a bit of self-control is a lot to ask for, I know ;)

Anonymous said...

Scats..you're a moron. Simple intelligence would tell you that a person having a specific identity would naturally garner more attention to their posts.

I think you just want to be a Blog God...I remember checking your blog a long time ago when NOBODY commented!

And I remember that dirty trick you pulled with Petrena with that email.

You try to portray yourself as some honest person...yet you use the name GreeceMonkey..and also you are radaronline. (Oh yeah...your ip addresses match up, buddy). You don't fool me (and all those I know either).

You never give credit to ANYbody else on this blog for anything contributed...you're too busy trying to show off your sarcasm.

I know you won't print this but seeing as there's no other way to reach you...here it is.

You're going to have a fun time trying to figure out which comments left are mine, aren't you?? People will get mad when you start accusing them of being ME.

You hate it when someone knows how to play the same game YOU do. Yepper..I'm typing this as Anonymous even though it's me...just so you get used to the name...lol.

SCATS said...

To 2:00PM ~~ "Simple intelligence" huh? It's pretty interesting that you are making the exact same allegations another blogger made not long ago, then apologized to me for making them. I'll repost the comment here:

GreeceBlogger said...
SCATS-I apologize for thinking you were the identies previously mentioned (GreeceMonkey, Radaronline and Coffeeready). I was informed by someone else that you were indeed Greecemonkey. I was obviously misinformed. I do apologize for the personal attack since I don't like it when it is done to me. It is out of character for me, despite what people make think,so I do apologize.

Again, my goal as a blogger is to inform people, to empower them to take action. At least that is my hope as a blogger.

8/26/2009 5:02 PM

Me said...

@2:00 you are an idiot, IP addresses are general, not specific to one person, but rather an area and IS provider. So who am I?

SCATS said...

To 7:46PM ~~ We don't call people by that word here. Name-calling is usually edited out or deleted. I'm cutting you slack this once because of the name-calling 2PM resorted to with me.

What do they say about payback? Oh yeah, it's a real _ _ _ _ _!

Anonymous said...

IP addresses are unique. Two computers can't have the same one at the SAME TIME. But service providers refresh the addresses, or users can refresh or expire their addresses. You can move your computer and get another one with a new connection. Usually they all fall in a very close range but they may or may not be exactly the same - it all depends on if another machine connected to the internet and got the addresses in the meantime. It's called an IP lease - the machine you are on will first try to get the same IP as before, but will grab another if that one isn't available.

Some machines get dedicated IP addresses - like at companies. That makes the IP unavailable for another computer to get so that everytime your machine looks for it, it is there. Not common in residential service providers though.

But the only way to match the activity of the IP address to a named person is if you already know the correlation between IP and person and are just looking at the activity. With a static IP address, you can never be 100% sure even if you are 99% sure.

How can a google blog admin with IP tracking figure out the correlation? If the blog only gets one lonely visitor in the same hour that an anonymous comment was posted (assuming your timestamps are 100% correct) and at the same time the person commenting sent an email with their name in it and IP address in the source (emails like gmail don't have the machine IP address in the source since the email is all web hosted) to the admin, I guess a correlation could be made. Otherwise, with blogger, it ain't happening with anonymous posts. It's hard even if people are using their profiles and you have more than one visitor at a time.

On message boards and other platforms where each user has a username, the guesswork is much more accurate because you can tie the IP address to the username when they register and also tie the IP to each post -and if they log in and out with multiple accounts and send rapid posts you can tell. Like at the D&C.

I know this is technical and long and boring but thought you would want to know how your information could possibly be collected and connected. You can share this with your readers by posting it or keep it to yourself, whatever you see fit..

SCATS said...

To 8:13PM ~~ Thank you for the informative posting. Making matters even more complex are the prevalence of computer networks. If I'm not mistaken, all computers on the SAME network have the same IP address. If three different anonymous people send one comment each from three different computers on the same network, you can't possibly know which one sent the "threatening" one, right? Then there's the whole WiFi issue. Or people who post from a library computer. Or from a company that has dozens of computers ... or posts made via cell phones ... the possible scenarios are numerous.

Anonymous said...

Computers all on the same network will all be within a range assigned to the network, but not the exact same address. You will get an "IP Address" conflict notice and one machine will be kicked unable to connect while the other is active. However if the addresses are assigned to be dynamic and NOT static on the network, they could be interchanged as computers connect and disconnect from the Internet connection (not just closing the browser but being disconnected from the connection).

If you have a laptop you bring back and forth to work, you will have one IP address at work andone at home because at work you are on their network and at home you are on your own.

My IP address hasn't changed in 3 weeks because my computer is always on and connected to the internet. Even if I turned it off and turned it on, it may still be the same. The tendency is for each computer to try to get back the same address it had last time, which cuts down on errors in connecting, but it is not a rule that must be followed.

Anonymous said...

scats - there are lots of different programs you can get to change up yout ip too

just search them out on google

SCATS said...

I'm certainly not worried about the amateurs on here who claim to be ID'ing me from an IP address. I know they are full of crapple. If anyone was going to do it, it would have been the former head of technology for a certain local institution. He has the means, the motivation and the know how. He didn't or couldn't, so I'm not worried about the silly threats here. Again, I appreciate the information all of you have shared. Thank you!

Anonymous said...

wifi can double up IP addresses. i don't know why but i have seen that myself. whatismyip.com
we had 2 laptops running at the same time and on that site it said we had the same ip address. but not if we both hit enter to go to the site at the same time.
so i think that other guy is right technically but there are so many variables that it makes it tough to know for sure all the time.
rock on SCATS!